the woods are lovely dark and deep. and ive got miles to go before i sleep

its been a while

Sat, 12 Nov 2005 13:50:19 GMT

took a little break from this thing cause one, i just dont care about it and never kept a journal when i was younger and two...same reason as number one.

i hate to be too cheesy but ive been a roller coaster of mood swings lately and since my brother left. most of the time im groovy, but then i get sad or just feel a bit empty. all of this is probably because of the culmination of a few things. i just turned 26! whoopie... im moving in feb/march and being here alone. transitions are never easy and that makes sense because usually some good lessons and experiences come out of them and if they were too easy then i cant see learning much.

as for being old now, 26 seems like a way older age to tell people than 25 was. i hope andrea doesnt mind dating an old fart. but, i also asked my mom for a chord less drill as a gift which is better than the other thing i kinda needed which was a vacuum cleaner. so, take your pick at my oldness. the first half of my twenties is over and i cant help in believing the last half and early/mid thirties will be my time in my life. a new state soon and a chance to do whatever.

another weird thing that has hit a little since im in a glum mood is the fact that carla is married now. it was a shocker when i heard it was gonna happen, but now its odd to think about. i totally understand why she got married and im not surprised about that side of it, but being the last person i was in love with and knowing, even though we never could have actually worked, that they married another boy isnt helping out in being borderline depressed.

argh! im a pirate

not sure what to say

Thu, 13 Oct 2005 05:55:57 GMT

im having a hard time wanting to sleep tonight. in two weeks my brother leaves for san deigo and i will still be here until the end of feb. ive been living with my brother for 3 yrs and hes my best friend. this house will be empty in a lot of ways. i cant help but sit here sobbing because im not sure how life will be without him in the room next to me, always around. its something he needs, to start fresh in a new town. i just hope he knows how much i will miss everything he is, here with me.

time to get a movin'

Wed, 12 Oct 2005 00:10:04 GMT

vacation was great. in fact, i loved arizona and the mesa/tempe area so darn much that im gonna be moving there. crazy, right? well, ive had a nasty case of wanderlust for quite some time now and the weather...yes its hot, is still way better than here in the northeast. i could ride my motorcycle everyday and go running and hiking, blah blah.

shitty thing is that i called about my lease here and im stuck here til the end of feb. but, im glad its not any later than that. i really didnt want to be here through another winter but it doesnt look like i have much of a choice.

argh.......

so nice out.

Sun, 02 Oct 2005 21:42:52 GMT

it was so nice out today and it would have been nice to have gone to the park with someone. but, i went riding for an hour or so and i guess ill settle for that. flying to arizona tommorow at 7am.

summertime and the livin is easy

Tue, 27 Sep 2005 04:01:26 GMT

well, its not really summer anymore. but, after talking to a friend about their daily life and the stress of their job...i must say, i have one of the more relaxing lives of anyone i know. one job consists of making belts while listening to music and/or watching dvds and the other is being a host at a really good vegetarian restaurant. all i do is seat middle aged women, its super easy and i have no responsibility.

so, life is good and im going to arizona for a few days next week which i look forward to. im trying to travel once every 4 months or so for at least a week.

ahh, stress free.

they all go nuts after me i think

Mon, 19 Sep 2005 02:09:21 GMT

so, i just find out yesterday that carla, the last girl i was in love with is now engaged. im over it and have been but shes always kinda had that ability to suck me back in at times. even as of june, she was pretty much begging me to be back with me. and apparently she is engaged to a dude shes "dated off and on for 6 yrs". ive never heard his name or any mention, but she needs help. she asked me if i was sick to my stomach when she hesitantly told me about it. the fact is that it doesnt effect me at all and she lives in california, way far away from me.

but, after dana going literally crazy during and after we dated and now this, im starting to think i must make people crazy. maybe its because i stay pretty calm and they over compensate? i have no clue, but its scary.

so. good luck to carla for getting engaged with no ring to a boy shes been back with for 2 months and lives in another state.

i think i should just stay single and keep to my antisocial hobbies like riding my bike.

although i am kinda crushing at the moment. we'll see.

dude.

Thu, 15 Sep 2005 04:06:00 GMT

ok, time to get so jealous. i was in the dry sauna at the gym with the infamous Anthony Federov from American Idol! sweating side by side. how amazing, right?

syndicate party

Wed, 14 Sep 2005 13:54:04 GMT

its been a while since i went to new york and last night was my chance to go to the syndicates annual party. we got off to a super late start so of course i missed not only the open bar, but all of the bands, but it was still cool.

got to hang out with some more old friends which seems to be a theme lately. saw little debbie, met danielle, ran into will noon who i havent seen for a while. started off pretty sweet with two straight vodkas and i was running good til i saw lauren who drove getting her infamous "pirate eye" which is a clear indicator of drunken lauren. so i bucked up and stopped drinking for the last few hours and then drove her car home and got back around 345am. it was good and fun and im glad i went, late or not.

going to a show on friday in philly, then making time!!! also just found out im going to arizona with scott for the first week of october and i cant wait. i want to rent a bike out there and cruise around the desert.

beautiful day

Sat, 10 Sep 2005 19:12:00 GMT

ahhhhh, such a nice day. woke up, watched some more Lost and took the bike out for about an hour riding around. im really digging the motorcycle and since my car needs to get its thermostat fixed, its the only way i can get around.

while i was riding i passed an old friend house and stopped by to say hello and b.s. for a little

soooooo nice out today. wish i had time to go to the park. now ive been out riding instead of running and will get super fat probably. :)

i survived!

Fri, 09 Sep 2005 01:05:30 GMT

today was the first day i took the bike to work on busy roads and then drove it up and down street road which is ass driver city! and, im still alive to tell about it. these are big steps for me because not only was i learning how to ride a bike, its also learning shifting and traffic can be crazy you know.

pretty much quit the stupid deli last night. went from working the big two days a week to once every other week. i hated that place and i was baby sitting ex cons. so, i kept enough to still cover the bike payment and insurance. and, i feel much better about it.

still wouldnt mind finding a lady friend, but at this point it probably doesnt matter much.

im a loner dottie, a rebel.

feels like in getting older

Tue, 06 Sep 2005 04:14:54 GMT

its been weird the past year or so. im noticing a lot and absorbing much more in life. family has been really important and when it comes to girls, ive been not too concerned. of course id love to find someone i could love and be with, but i havent met anyone in a while that could challenge me or keep me interested for very long.

i think i keep doing things that push me away too, like getting a bike and things like that. its more time that im out alone cruising around and thinking. i do the same thing when i go running in the park, it clears my head. i guess graduating college puts you into a new kind of head space where the excuse of school has run out. but, i am enjoying it, even though ive been experiencing it alone. my brother has been going through a lot of shit lately and might be moving out west. my mom just had surgery and i feel like im at a transition point or as if i can see it coming over the hill and i keep moving toward it.

i dont think this is bad at all though. maybe i need a change. like i told my brother, "every exit is an entrance somewhere else" and i believe that to be true. ive also always loved about when i read that one this one dudes desk he just had an engraving that said "today." carpe diem, right?

maybe this change will be potentially rejoining zolof or getting a job in the industry. who knows, but i feel the need for a challenge on the horizon and im ready for it.

watch out for the sticker bushes.

Sun, 04 Sep 2005 20:23:50 GMT

i just got back from a fun few hours of chainsawing out gigantic sticker bushes from my grandmoms property. these suckers are huge...the bottom will be as wide around as my forearm! but, its good fun and i like being outside doing the work my grandfather used to do years ago. they have 18 acres and maintaining it takes a lot of work. even mowing the lawn takes over 2 hrs and thats not counting all the weed whacking.

ive been spending a lot of time with or doing family stuff and its odd to look back at when i was younger and didnt appreciate family quite as much. i guess your so concerned about yourself or whatever that it slips by or you dont take advantage of spending time with them. some things i cant get back, like spending more time with my grandfather who passed away 3 yrs ago, so ive learned a great deal from that whole situation.

went dancing at the ol' 700 club in northern liberties with the old crew of scott and keli. its fun because we are all single, dont care and just dance and have a good time. no needing ot fake a grind here or there or any of the crap. so, that was a nice break from more recent ventures onto the dance floor.

time to go take the bike out for an hour or so!

ride motorcycle ride!

Sat, 03 Sep 2005 19:05:23 GMT

good times. woke up as always at like the butt crack of dawn, or more like 7am. worked on some stuff, watched some "going tribal" and then went to my moms to help her out. but, my bike is also there and i got daring today driving around through the hard & mean streets of suburban newtown. i only put on 20 miles but it was one of the first times i went into real traffic and it felt good. plus, it is damn nice out. i wish i werent working tonight or else id be running in the park right now.

only beat thing about the motorcycle ive noticed is SUV's! some douche passed me on double lines when i was going 45 in a 40 and was riding my ass like crazy. that fucker hits me and im a splattered bug. so, to the little dick suv driver...you suck. to the nice mini driver that beeped, smiled and waved, you rule.\

im hosting tonight at the veggie place, so that means all i have to do is smile and flirt with middle aged women which im pretty damn good at. all i do is call them young ladies and im golden. maybe feeling like eating the blue corn asparagus tacos tonight...mmmmm.

round two

Sat, 03 Sep 2005 04:11:10 GMT

a few years ago i tried one of these things and people got pissy after reading it. so, if thats your bag then dont read what i write or just keep it to yourself. i dont have anyone right now to badmouth or anything so it shouldnt get too exciting.

things have been crazy lately. i went from having one job, my belts, where i made all of the hours and had tons of free time to having 3 jobs! i decided to pick up a hosting job at a vegetarian restaurant called Blue Sage cause it didnt interfere with my belts at all. plus, sitting at home or near a computer all day isnt very social so i needed to get that back a little. then, the shitty deli i used to work at for 7 years decided to schedule me without ever asking if i could work or wanted to. kind of nuts, but i went in.

it sucks and is boring, but it was hard to turn down working one day a week and getting $280 a month cash to do it. being dumb and financially too responsible, i picked up another day because i just bought a motorcycle! but i have no free time anymore which im hoping will change soon. my mom just had foot surgery weds so ive been the good son going over to hang out and help out.

ive also been in a crazy anti social kick that started from getting sick of being in bars and drinking. i like to drink, but for gods sake, people need to learn how to handle themselves. ive been single for quite some time now, mostly out of choice because its hard as hell to find someone who acts like a lady and can handle herself. im not trying to sound old fashioned, its just a huge turn off to run into a slobbering drunk. so, if your a nice, sweet, caring, girl who has goals and follows through, let me know. somehow this seems like asking alot cause way too many people have no ambition. i dont dig that, its no good.

dig?
-dig.